Resolutions.

I have always had a love/hate relationship with the new year (every single year..).

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I was born on january 1rst (and so was my first daughter to my dismay). In my younger days I did not like the fact that I had to share my birthday with the rest of the world, but then I got older and realized "Hey its a WOrLD party if I cant beat them I might as well join them".

Today is also a first for me; I usually celebrate just my birthday on this wonderful day of new beginnings, but now I have decided to celebrate my accomplishments for 2008 and actually write down what I would like to accomplish for 2009 (I bought a special little black book for that).
I have always tried to find peace and happiness outside myself ( in my kids, my husband, my work),always tried to fit in this cookie-cutter-happily-married life scenario although that has never been me . I have now decided to stop being scared of life or the unknow and to actually start living my life and write MY StOrY as I see fit for myself and also to find happiness within me.

Looking foward to 2009 already!!

Body Talk..

In order for this not to happen again.. and also because I have been so overly stressed out about caring for two innocent young beings (and all the laundry that comes with them) I have decided to do something about my stress, to work it out in some sort of way.
Ever since my baby's birth (3 months and 1 week ago) I have been one big giant ball of nervous stress and raging emotions: one minute I am HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, the next I am DREPRESSED (SADLY DEPRESSED), the next minute after that I think I can conquer the world; of course I have heard of post partum depression and even of women who are on some sort of happy high after the birth of a child but never have I heard of women being on an 24/7 emotional rollercoaster ride.
I decided to do something about this emotional mess so that I would not screw up those little people that I have brought forth into this world with my CraZYNeSs. I also wanted to feel like the sexy and beautiful woman that I was before, and this is not entirely in regards to my dress size.. thanks to Krista I have found my haven: YOGA. I know most people think that yoga if for the weak or maybe some kind of religion, but I desperatly needed to calm my mind down. I attended my first hot yoga class on christmas day (MerRY CHriStMAs to ME!) and all I can say for those of us who love sex and the tingling wholesome feeling of peace that you get afterwards, that is exactly the feeling that I had lying in savasana on my $2 rental mat.
After THAT class I was on a cloud for 2 days, of course I was aching from all those poses and contorsions that my novice body had to go through but none the less I am loving the cloud that I am on.

I will surely go back for some more Yogadic Ecstasy

Sigh.. Namnaste.

Yoga Bug

HoliDay THanks

For some reason I have not been very"Cheery-I-love-the-holidays" this year, well not until I saw this:





Just looking at the images... we have BiG ISsUeS to think about on this earth.

It also made me remember that the holidays are not about buying and spending, its not about the great gifts we get... although I have been kind of a scrooge lately avoiding friends and family because I did not want them to give me gifts that I could not reciprocate since I'm broke ( I mean aint got jack in my pockets BROKE).



The holidays are about just being with our love ones and being thankful for all our blessings, its also about opening our hearts to those around us who are in need .


Happy Holidays

Crazy.. CRAZY I SAY!

The other night my little family and I were invited to a dinner party thrown by a friend who is leaving the snow for the sun this holiday season.

I got the kids ready, my hubbie was ready, but I kept pacing back and forth in front of the closet mirror and guess what.. I had nothing to wear. Not the nothing to wear when you actually have a bunch of things but you just don't feel like wearing them at that moment to that event; but the nothing to wear where I have nothing to dress this weird post pregnancy body of mine.
My husband, bless his soul, was trying to hurry me up "What's the big deal, just put on some jeans or something"

Me:WHAT THE F... DON'T YOU SEE THAT ..RA..RA...RA... I WAS PREGNANT...RA..RA...RA..
AND YOU AND YOUR STUPID....RA...RA...RETARD.....F........AS..."

I had turned into the Crazy Monster bitch, let's just hope that I turn back into a human for christmas.

ON TOP

These last few days (2 months and 2 weeks!!) I have been feeling overwhelmed: juggling the demands of a new born AnD a four year old is no easy task ( I think of all the women out there with more than two kids, I salute you ALL)

With one child, I had everything down to a science, and when my daughter was out of the baby stages I could get us ready and out the door in 30 minutes.
Now it takes me two hours or more to get everyone ready and out the door; that is just when we are going to the corner store.
Today, I woke up and I felt on top of the world; I got my four year old ready for preschool and she actually got there on time; and between taking care of Zazou and cooking dinner I actually was able to take a shower.

All I kept thinking was " OH YEAH! I AM FINALLY HERE"

Let my little people go..maybe

After a little arguement with some extended family the other day (huhum... my mom) about my life being my life ... bla bla bla.. (man i feel like a teenager AGAIN); I was thinking about my own kids: what kind of mom will I be?

I mean not now when they are little .. . but when they get older, will I be a friend or a pain in their butts.. What do you do when your grown child takes a road in their lives that you know to be, well not wrong but not what you would have wished for them?
Do you:
A. Keep your opinions to yourself
B:Comment and demand that they change their course...
what do you do when your that grown child decides something for their children that you don't agree of?

I would like to think that I will be the FuN grandmother if my kids decide to have some of their own, or the cool friend in their times of need.. but then again I might be a total wacko by then.

Bla.. Bla...Blogging to myself

I have a confession, I started blogging to keep in touch, not necessarily with anybody else, but with myself; but now a whole 3 days later I do not know what to say... what to write.
This how it ends after one (SeXy) husband and two (CraZy) kids, I don't know where I went. What happened?
This is suppose to be my journey of rediscovery but BLANK! BLANK! BLANK!
I decided to ask my husband (THe SeXy oNe) what he thinks that I should write about, well let's just say that he was not any help. I then came to the realization that I have totally lost myself to Suburbia (mind you I live in the city...) but then something else came to mind... Oh I could write about this beautiful thing that Zazou (CraZy kid #2) did last night that was soooo WeIrD! OH NO!! I don't think that would count for the "me, myself and I" blog that I'm trying to write.. so much for that.
I guess that is what you get for being such an awsome mommy (so I say...)

From the Wise

** Excuse me while I kiss the sky**
Jimi Hendrix

Remembering..

I was playing some old music today; you know Shakira before she became a blond, Maxwell, Babyface, Sade (the second time around), Alanis...
IRoniC..
On this snowy day with a baby on my lap, sitting in front of the computer; I start this log to be able to remember everything not just in songs but in color. I want to be able to remember everything the good, the bad and the darn right weird. If you dont look back how will you know where to go.
I am not a philosopher nor a writer I am a mom, not just a mom but so much more
Lalapoo